If the Clouds Just Won’t Clear

A lot of new things happened to me all at once. My best friend moved out, I finished my Master’s degree, and I left one of my jobs, all within the span of a few weeks. This would be hard at the best of times, but we’re very much not in the best of times. Because we’re in a pandemic, I don’t get to meet up with my best friend downtown, I didn’t get to have a party with all my friends for my graduation, and I won’t get to see some of my coworkers anymore.

So I’m sad, and I’m scared, and sometimes it feels like that’s all I have in my head. Like I’m living now in shades of blue and grey and silence.

Me And My Fear

I’m willing to bet that a lot of you feel that way, too. This wasn’t a fun summer, and most of my friends and I all had our birthdays in quarantine. Right now, it’s very, very hard to be happy.

But you know what? That’s okay.

When this started, there was an air of hopefulness to everything. We’d all stay inside, and then it’d be over, so why don’t we use this time to get things done? People made sourdough starter and learned new skills and read all of the things they’d been meaning to. Or, they didn’t, which was okay, too.

Now, we’re out and about with caution, and school is starting again, but what kept us inside in March hasn’t gone away, so how can we expect any of the fear or the sadness to go away, either? It’s not realistic or helpful to think about how we “should” be feeling better by now, even if we want to.

When Sadness Is at Your Door

So, back to school starting again. You might have a lot of trouble doing your schoolwork, and even if you’re happy to see your friends, it might not make those feelings go away, or quiet them down as much as you’d like. You might still be scared, or still be sad about all the things you aren't able to do or be frustrated that you have to wear a mask, even if you know it's what we do to keep everyone safe. Because right now, everyone is feeling those feelings, even if it doesn’t look like they are.

And you know what? That’s okay.